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Good day class, I am Dr. Smith…errr hold on a second –
Comparison Read Doctor (MD) vs. Pseudo Doctor (PhD) Top Ten (10) List | |
MD | PhD |
Spends years in medical school and in residency. | Spends year writing a dissertation three people world-wide will ever read. |
Deals with sick people on a regular basis. | Deals with sick students on Friday mornings and on due dates. |
Works large numbers of hours and is on call pretty much consistently. | Come in for a midweek meeting in June, ‘are you nuts?’ |
Get paid exceptionally well… | I can’t make it to that meeting in June because of my job at the restaurant…I really need those tips! |
Has to consistently deal with death. | Deals with the death of grandmothers consistently around midterm and final exam periods only. |
Produces life giving research | Produced research someone cited five years ago in a journal no one has ever heard of… |
Spends time working with patents to try and enhance their lives | Spends eons on committee producing reports no one will ever read. |
Drives a Mercedes. | Takes the city bus – we are very environmentally conscious don’t you know (please don’t refer back to point four). |
Charges people a mint for telling often telling them what they already know… ‘you have a cold.’ | Well the professor doesn’t charge the mint but the school does… |
Can prescribe cool drugs… | Can prescribe the perfect sedative… ‘for this weeks readings, take a look at chapters five & six.’ |
Well good day class, I am Professor Smith…
How Much I Love My Job
The top part of this piece is so much more entertaining but I do love my job! Being a professor is one of the best gigs anyone could ever have. Yes, it is a ton of work (and no, I DO NOT get my summers off) for decent pay but the other rewards of the gig are so much greater. For instance, on Thursday we hosted an event where our gradating seniors got to present the results of the business plans to local industry professionals and a set of bankers. It is empowering to see how students have grown and developed over the past four years and know that you contributed somewhat to that maturing. That you probably had some significance on their lives that will stay with them throughout their life is a warm feeling. We help build people to be strong contributors to society and that in itself is a legacy that few people get. So today, I salute my students and thank them for making my existence on this mud ball of a planet well worth living.
And a bonus:
